Walnut shaped egg (a dream)

Cocooned in a walnut shaped egg

I hold you close to me, your weakness leaking out and welding into my skin

You resemble almost a baby bird, skin and bone, looking up at me hauntingly I can feel your life in my hands and I need nothing more in this world than to save you

the panic and hopelessness I feel is immense

I can't breathe, I can't think I'm in pure disarray

and I call and call out to something to heal you. Some miracle of divine power, I think I deserve that, I need that to be the reality, please don't let this sink in.

Clock ticking in my head as the pendulum swings

over and over and over again, I feel like I'm losing you because of my own design

why won't they help me, hurry up, she's dying she's dying please someone prevent this inevitable, I mean this isn't the fate that I must face.

The metal of this hospital chair clinging to my cold flesh the same way an ice cube transforms into skin at the contrast of temperature.

Eyes darting from blue sandpaper gowns to blurring objects in my preferably vision.

Every particle in this useless being of mine feels that I cannot come out of this intact.

Suddenly my heart no longer exists inside myself, moths with entangled wings clumped and merged together trying to rip from my flesh.

Feels as though an endless loop of doom and dread and adrenaline.

Why is it that I can't let go, why can't I grieve.

I want it to end, I need this to

it stopped?

I no longer feel you in my hand, the wetness leaking from your decrepit body, looking so, so weak

like all water, oxygen and minerals had been drained from your body from that tumour that's eating you alive

but no longer in my hands, I feel fear.

I feel terror. Please say it wasn't all for nothing, I wasn't too late, please let fate not draught me this way.

The expressionless figures that once moved so rapid around me were all standing now

they're all grinning because they know something I don't. They're so happy for me

the doors open? What is this?

My prayers have been answered and everyone's so happy for me, we're so happy for me, I'm melting.

It's you. All the tension all the agony, it paid off a miracle has occurred… I knew it would

you're walking through the door almost gliding, it's as if I know someone has re-built you.

My mother has been moulded back together and this body, this mind, it's not hers I'm so happy it's not hers.

She's new I cry she's new and as I weep it feels as though I had nothing to ever worry about again.

She was always going to be healed, she was always going to be okay, look everyone look at her so happy, so strong! They rebuilt her ! They remade her. She arose from her cocooned shell and look she can never be broken again she is indefinable now.

Such a pit inside me, I know this isn't her? This isn't right, this isn't how things are. Stop this conflict, you asked for a miracle, you deserved it! That's why this has happened. Don't think don't doubt, don't break

the Vale. You know you couldn't handle it what are you doing, just smile, grin like the rest of us, you coward